The Holy Force

Vietnamese: Kinh nghiệm về thần lực và tuổi thơ
(posted at huyenbihoc.webs.com)

My experience with the Force as a child (Blooming Flower)

Back then, when I was 7 years old, my father told me about sanling (or holy spirits) and the religion. He told me about the force and how to pray. I would sit in front of the altar, and hoped to get the force. I was scared and couldn’t concentrate; other things came in my mind. So the Force never came at the moment. Occasionally, visitors and my cousins would come to my house, because my dad would let them experience the force. I was jealous and wanted to get the force so bad, but I was afraid. I never could imagine the feeling of sanling holding or touching my hands. It was not that I didn’t want to learn, but I was worried what the results would be.

Then, 4 years passed. During the 4 years, I recited mantra over, and over, instead of trying the force. Sometimes, my dad would even have a race with me to see who recites to 100 first while driving me to school.

Then, in March 2005, I tried the force when my dad was on the cell phone. I didn’t want anyone to see; it had to be secretive. The first time my hands felt tingly. Then, I told my dad what happened. He told me that I could try it again someday.

On that day I was waiting for, my dad watched me carefully and my hands slowly spread apart,. When my hands came back to regular position, I was overjoyed! I thought, it wasn’t that bad, but my heart started to beat very fast when the force came to me.

Now and then, at age 11, I practice my force every night and have the same force motions. Of course, I am a beginner. It is just like school. Everyone starts at kindergarten and progresses every year. I feel so safe that sanling is with me all the time. I used to even put my hands under my desk at school and pray, just to see if they really were. I was so amazed! I know that they will always be there like preventing car accidents, or something that’ was unpredictable. But you can’t always rely on them. If you know something is coming your way, you shouldn’t just stand there, make a move! Sanling is not willing to help if you actually know something is coming and waiting for them to help.

At least I know I’ll stay with sanling for my whole life. I think I am very lucky, because all my friends at school don’t know anything about this and I feel like the most unique one of all! And I know, sanling will always be there for me if I continue to pray and try.

The other day my dad had me go to the altar to pray for the Heavenly Scroll (Yantra). I was nervous, that was for sure. I didn’t know what would happen. I stood in front of the altar, reciting the mantras over and over. Five minutes passed, and my regular force came, but I didn’t move forward yet to obtain the Yantra.

Then a few more minutes passed, and I began to feel very warm and hot. I thought it was the fact that I stood still for such a long time and the room temperature was hot, but I wasn’t about to give up yet. And suddenly, I felt like I was being pushed forward and I took two small steps. I was shaking violently; I really never experienced such thing. Two tear drops rolled out of my eyes. I didn’t know if it was from the fear or the amazing feeling. My right arm was raised towards the altar, but then it slowly fell down near my waist.

The force continued, and things settled again. But then, my right arm was raised again, and I thought I’d get it this time. And gradually, my right arm was let down again. I didn’t give up; I knew this all meant something. I kept praying and praying, and the force still continued. I was then pushed forward again; I took two small steps like before. I could feel that I was very close to the altar. My right arm was raised once again and as it did, it scraped the stone wall and the wooden part of the altar on the way up.

I wondered if my hand would really reach the Yantra and it really did. The paper came in contact with my hand and I burst out crying. I was so happy and amazed that day. I will never forget what happened. I have gained so much faith throughout the experience in receiving the Yantra.

The Yantra Experience

On January 22nd, Sunday night, my dad came home from a trip. He visited Dr. Mai and told me she granted me permission to pray for the Wish-Fulfilling Yantra. I agreed to this, since I wanted to have a more solid protection from “Sanling” (Invisible mentors) before I left for Harvard University. However, I blew off my commitment and told my dad I would try the next day.

Monday night arrived, and I came downstairs at midnight. I had other things on my mind like homework, but I still wanted to try for the Yantra. My dad placed the Yantra on the altar, and I began praying. The force came quickly, and early in the process, my body started to move and I took a few steps forward. I kept praying and praying, but nothing else happened. Only my hands continued to move around in graceful gestures. I kept praying for 1 hour and 15 minutes, but it was to no avail. I felt as if Sanling had led me on and then stopped me, to show I had much work to do ahead.

I finally stopped praying, and I looked at my dad. He just said, “Okay.” I wasn’t scared or affected by my failure, because I felt there were still more chances. But I could read the disappointment and worry on his face. We operated in silence for the rest of the night. I decided to try the next day.

Tuesday night came. Early in the night, I had set my mind to coming downstairs earlier, specifically before midnight. My dad was already asleep on the couch at 11pm, but I woke him up anyway to tell him I wanted to try again. I began this time with a more serious, committed, and determined heart. I was afraid Sanling would leave me.

Five minutes in, my body was pushed a few steps forward. My hand movements were stronger and wider. Five minutes later, my arms were pushed up onto the altar, slowly searching for the Yantra. My right hand finally touched it, and the Yantra was in my grasp. I slowly brought it down and continued praying, to say my thanks and appreciation. I was so relieved and elated in my mind that I would have this wish-fulfilling Yantra (and previous celestial Yantra) for the rest of my life.

After my final recitations, I look at my dad, and he was also relieved and in a calmer state of mind. He told me that maybe the reason today was different was because I had the heart to come downstairs by myself. He also shared a story to show me the priority of Sanling’s spiritual enlightenment is ahead of all worldly things.

Throughout my life, I have taken many things for granted. The simple things my parents offer and do for me have become part of a cycle that I accept readily and have adapted to. Thus, I do not recognize their efforts as much as I should. Sanling has always been there for me, even if I question their presence in certain situations. I realize I have strong morals and values and am always protected by them in the scariest, most spontaneous moments in life. They have guided me through my academics, activities, and most importantly spirituality. Sadly, I have neglected to appreciate the spiritual forces and my roots that have brought me to the person I am today. Without Sanling, I know I would be lost in this chaotic world. They ensure protection and a path to the heavens if I continue to dedicate myself to them. Sometimes, I wonder if my life is a mirage, because Sanling is an intangible force that proves their existence through physical manifestations. It’s such a grand concept that I can’t even believe it sometimes.

All of this shows that you, I, and those with Sanling are magnificently blessed and lucky. Looking back at my Yantra experience, I realized that the first two days I was offered to pray for it, I was not whole-heartedly committed. I overlooked Sanling’s delicate protection and took it for granted: a mistake. The next day, I was eager to redeem myself, and I received the Yantra immediately. I know now that wherever I am and whatever I am in the future, I have to keep praying or I will lose them some day. The fear of losing such a precious treasure frightens me and should frighten you too, especially in the midst of the thousands of disasters and our collapsing world.
When I leave for college, I will be a few thousand miles away from home. I will be away from my roots, physically, but I will be with them spiritually, forever.

The Invisible Help

My admission to medical school was an arduous journey, but a seamless process and a clear manifestation of Sanling’s (Spirit Guardian plans) when it happened.

I did not decide that medicine was the field for me until my junior year at Harvard University. By then, I had already endured a multitude of challenges, physically and emotionally. My academics took a very hard hit in my first two years, making me a much weaker pre-medical candidate compared to my peers. Even so, I decided to apply to medical school my senior year in college, hoping that I would matriculate Fall 2016. I applied mostly on a whim without realizing that multiple components were needed to ensure a strong medical school application. My academics, MCAT score, and clinical experience were lacking, but I strongly believed I could pull off some kind of miracle and gain admission into at least one school. I thought my extracurriculars could carry me through, knowing that most of what I have learned about myself was through the times under pressure on the golf course, teaching piano to children, and volunteering for underserved communities.
I sent in my application at the end of Summer 2015, and schools began reviewing them. I faced immediate rejection from many schools. In December 2015, when all hope seemed lost, I received one interview offer – I had the feeling that Sanling was looking out for me.

I went to the school for my interview, and needless to say, I was not that prepared. I lacked general knowledge of the healthcare system and what I wanted to accomplish in the future as an aspiring physician. My two interviews that day were abnormally difficult – I stumbled upon many questions and felt defeated. After the day was over, I tried not to be upset and believed that Sanling had a plan for me. I truly believe that I received the interview because Sanling supported my decision to pursue a career in medicine and would give me a miracle (even if the interview went very poorly).

On the day of the reveal where applicants were notified if they received admittance to schools, I found out that I was not accepted. I was crushed. Not only did I lose confidence and sight of myself, but I was upset that I had to experience “pain” and “failure” once again. I wanted to know what Sanling had planned for me. In general, I tend to unfairly blame Sanling and question “Why?” every time I do not attain what I want, and I know it is not right. But in my heart and mind, I admit to feeling lost, confused, and hopeless at the time. I needed guidance and reassurance on my career path, but I was not sure where I would get that from.

In the next couple of months after that day, I had to re-think my next couple of years. How do I go from here? Is medicine still my path? I decided to call a couple of medical school admissions offices to receive feedback on my application, whether they saw me as a qualified applicant. In the calls, I received affirmation that I was clearly not the strongest candidate, but definitely not the worst either. One lady urged me to re-apply in the next upcoming application cycle since my GPA my senior year was quite great and my other school leadership positions would help make my application stand out.

I had a long conversation with my parents, and we decided to try to apply once more. It was Spring 2016 at this time, meaning I had a couple of months to re-write my medical school essays and restructure my application. If I did not get in this time around, I would then re-evaluate my life goals, but we would face that issue later if that were the case. By June 2016, I submitted another application. I would later hear back in the Fall if I had any interviews invitations.

In my year off before matriculating into medical school (if I got accepted), I chose to remain in Boston for selfish reasons. I felt that I needed to be away from my parents/home, because I believe my self-growth to be the greatest when I am thrown into new situations with new people, constantly challenging me to think and act outside of my comfort zone. I found a job as a medical assistant in a hospital. It is by no means high-paying or glorious, but it offers the best clinical experience for people interested in pursuing a future career in healthcare.

I was assigned to the Dermatology department, and truly by fate and the hands of Sanling, I had the opportunity to work with the director, Dr. Y. She took me under her wing and mentored me on career/life choices. I aspire to be everything she is as a mother and physician. She told me she saw something different in me compared to my other coworkers. Although she could tell I lacked confidence in myself (and perhaps as an aspiring physician), she spoke highly of my work ethic, demeanor, and attitude, which would all help me in a career in medicine.

Early August, I woke up one morning to an interview invitation to a medical school. It was extremely shocking to receive one so early in the cycle since I knew I was not a competitive applicant. I felt honored since I guessed that the school saw something in me that others did not, similar to what Dr. Y said of me.
I received the email on a Wednesday, and the only interview date offered to me was the Friday of that week. I was hesitant to take it on such a short notice because I knew I had work scheduled and I had not been preparing at all for interviews. But I knew I had to seize the precious opportunity given to me.
I flew on Thursday, met my parents in a mid-way city, and drove for 5 hours until we reached the school. Throughout my travels, I reviewed my application endlessly and reflected on the kind of applicant and aspiring physician I want to present myself as. Never have I felt so thrilled yet scared of the unknown for a repeat opportunity to obtain admission into medical school.

Interview day arrived, and it was scheduled from 9am-4pm. My parents and I prayed beforehand to Sanling, wishing for a smooth day and Sanling’s blessing at this school. When I stepped on the campus, I immediately felt much more comfortable in my shoes – I felt like I belonged in the health care profession. The other applicants and I had a tour of the school, met a few administrators and current students, and eventually had our interviews. Every applicant is typically supposed to have a one-on-one interview with one current medical student and one faculty member (most of whom have a MD degree). Oddly enough, I was scheduled with two faculty members (both of whom had MD degrees). I did not panic in the moment, but rather saw it as an opportunity for me to shine even more and perhaps for them to have a stronger influence on my admission if I did well in the interview.

My first interview was an Asian trauma surgeon. It was the best interview I have ever had in my life. I somehow had the perfect answers to every question he asked as I had anticipated these questions during my interview preparation. He asked me multiple questions regarding my extracurriculars (golf, piano, and service), Asian American identity, and why I wanted to pursue medicine. I did not feel like last year where I continuously stumbled and gave vague answers. This time, I had a purpose and direction, and I showed it professionally. I was pleased.

My second interview was with a Caucasian professor of the school. The interview was much more light-hearted than my first with less traditional questions. She had recently visited Boston, and we connected over the museums of the area and the Red Sox. I talked about my past musical career as a percussionist, and she also said she used to be one. I also briefly mentioned I played on their school’s golf course in the past, and she nicely walked me to a window which had a great view of the course.

After my interviews, I could not believe how perfectly everything went. I felt so fortunate this time around. This was Sanling’s plan. I reconnected with my parents, and they were also thrilled to hear that I did so well. Even so, we would have to wait 3 months before I knew if I had gotten in.

November 15 arrived – I had the chance to know if I was early admitted to this school if they liked me enough. If not, I would have to wait another 3 months for regular acceptance. I could not sleep the night before; I was extremely nervous. At that point, I still had only one interview, which was not super promising. The morning at work, I was utterly distracted and kept checking my email. 8:30am, nothing. 9am, nothing. 9:30am, nothing. 10am… I saw an email. I opened it in haste, and the school congratulated me on my early acceptance!! I was choked with tears at work. I quickly emailed my parents about the news, and they were elated. It was an unbelievable feeling and realization that I would actually become a physician; we will never forget that moment.

Looking back, I absolutely cannot believe the events that unfolded and where I am now because of Sanling. Harvard was by far the most traumatizing yet elucidating learning experience of my life. I had terrible academics the first two years, almost unsalvageable, but due to a change in mindset and faith in Sanling, I turned it around my last two years. I failed the first time when applying to medical school, which almost made me lose confidence in everything I had worked for and believed in. Fortunately, I called admissions officers who pushed me to re-apply, and thankfully, my GPA during my senior year was significantly improved. I was somehow assigned the best mentor/physician at my current job in Boston, who has helped me understand the workings of healthcare and guided me through the application cycle (she helped me with interview preparation and later wrote me a letter of recommendation). I was offered an interview invite by the medical school the THIRD week into the cycle (super early) and showed up to the interview 1.5 days after I received the email. My interviewers were TWO faculty, who both genuinely shared the same interests I had and could talk about them with me. I had also prepared perfectly. To top it off, I received the acceptance email, which completed the seamless process of my medical school acceptance. I could sense the invisible realm helping me every step of the way.

In retrospect, I realized that even if I want something and continue to dedicatedly pray for it/provide offerings, I will not necessarily attain the goal if it is not part of Heaven’s plan. I may have the correct intentions in the process, but in the end, things will happen the way they are supposed to by Sanling’s will.

Through my life so far, I have learned that things do not always need to be labeled as “good” vs “bad” or “successes” vs “failures.” They are merely life events that are supposed to either happen or not happen and only how we choose to view them makes them “good” vs “bad” or “successes” vs “failures.” Every event is an opportunity that we can learn and grow from, and I believe that is the way of Sanling. As long as we cultivate, place faith in them, and continue to repay our karma, they will be with us every step of the way. When one door closes, another one opens, and we will ultimately experience and see what Sanling wants us to experience and see, whether or not the answer is clear at the moment. Connecting with Sanling is the most precious asset I have, and I am wholly grateful for their guidance and protection.

The Manifestations of Sanling

Seven years have passed, and I reflect on the countless blessings I have received since my last post. I have also faced many challenges along the way, but in the grand scheme of things, these challenges have been minor and represent life lessons for me to grow and understand the realities of life.

Once I entered medical school, my days became filled with constant lectures, lab work, studying, exams, and research. Additionally, I heavily involved myself in community service in my free time. I had a very clear goal in mind to match into dermatology residency, one of the most competitive specialties in healthcare.

I soon found a reliable routine that set aside all distractions and allowed me to build a strong foundation of medical knowledge and connect with underprivileged people in the community. I would wake up every day between 5-6AM and dedicate 14 hours to studying every day, except on Wednesdays where my studying was shortened due to an 8-hour commitment at a volunteer clinic. Any time left in the day was spent eating, showering, catching up on research, or volunteering at other local non-profits. I rarely took rest days and remained highly motivated for each exam. I would pray to Sanling before every test, exam, or evaluation; I ended up always scoring in the top quartile. When clinical rotations began, the time to translate our knowledge into clinical practice, I was similarly able to obtain the highest marks from my attendings and senior residents and scored in the highest quartile on all clinical exams. We also had to take two national standardized exams which factor heavily into residency applications. I scored higher than average on the first exam and significantly higher than average on the second exam. My medical school experience felt like a well-oiled machine, and as if no steps were missed.

In the Fall of my last year of medical school, I submitted my dermatology residency applications. I experienced self-doubt and worry, fearing that I would not match despite the work and achievements over the past three years, particularly given my background from a less-recognized, smaller school. To my astonishment, I received a significant number of interviews from programs across the nation. The most remarkable surprise, however, occurred on the eve of Thanksgiving, when I received an interview invitation from a top program in California. I could not hold back my elation and my tears when I opened that email and shared the news with my mom over dumplings.

Interviews occurred over the next few months, all in the virtual Zoom format. I spent a lot of time practicing to accurately portray myself and my best qualities. Most of my interviews went well, but the one I cared about the most was the California program. I vividly remember interviewing with over 40 faculty members for the program and encountering the hardest behavioral questions of my life. Nevertheless, I was able to approach each question calmly and thoughtfully, expressing myself in a genuine way. At times, I was surprised by the eloquent answers that came out of my mouth, as if Sanling gave me the inspiration to do so. Even so, I still worried about my performance, but I knew I had done my best and could only await the results.

Match Day for residency finally arrived in March 2021. This was the most nerve-racking week of my life, as it was for my classmates as well. The match result determined whether if and where we would secure a residency position for the next few years, continuing our training to becoming independent physicians. The night before Match Day, I had a dream that I matched into my top choice program in California. I was not sure if it was my own subconscious manifesting my material desire, or if it was Sanling’s way to comfort me and let me preview my future. On Match Day, I called my parents on the phone before opening my email to share the experience with them. I received the email and saw that I had matched into the California program! I screamed at the top of my lungs and cried uncontrollably, and my parents did the same. I remember feeling immense joy, disbelief, inspiration, and comfort. The past years in medical school were a constant grind of work and little sleep, and to finally feel validated was such an incredible feeling. The odds of a student from my school matching to a top-5 program in dermatology were essentially zero. To all those that had doubted me when I was applying to medical school, I felt rewarded for the time and effort that I had put into medical and clinical knowledge, leadership, and communication skills.

Now, as a dermatology resident in my dream program, I look back and see clearly that my motivation, resilience, and work ethic were supported and manifested by Sanling. All the ensuing exam scores, successful interview cycle, and the final result of the match were the doing of Sanling. We will never know our futures or what is coming next. Thus, it is imperative to keep cultivating, trusting, and praying. The process of putting in effort of what is currently in front of us is the most important thing and then allowing Sanling to reveal the ultimate result.

This is an example of how everything aligned in my professional and academic life in medical school. I had a specific goal in mind, immersed myself in the process of preparation and effort, and was blessed with the result by Sanling. There have been other unrelated times in my life where, despite truly believing that something or someone is part of my destiny, no matter how much I imagine or dream it, it is not. I have lost many championships and tournaments in college despite the work I put in or my prayers; I have also lost relationships with people I loved. However, when I think back to where I am today and the specific events that have led to this exact moment, I am wholly comforted and reassured that Sanling is watching over me and has a larger plan for me, more than what I can see or comprehend. I am also grateful for the unwavering protection, safety, and health they have blessed upon my family and me so far – this is something I never take for granted.

More recently, I have also recognized the importance of paying off my current and past life’s karma in addition to accumulating merits. I will truly never know the amount of karmic debt I owe and in what form I will repay them as; this is why I need to keep praying and cultivating. Similarly, I only have a limited time to build on my merits, and I need to take advantage of the little time left I have on this earth.

Just as we cannot predict the future – whether it is politics, societal change, natural disasters, or stock market crashes – I recognize who and what I have in my life (my Masters, my parents, religious texts and articles) and immerse myself wholly in the process of learning from these sources to become closer to God and Sanling. In the past months, I have been focusing on reciting the 5 essential mantras, practicing the wish-fulfilling yantras, and joining weekly religion meetings to discuss articles and the principles and laws of the Heavenly Court. I feel grateful to be born in a family with parents already following our true religion. I was taught to properly worship God, Buddha, Bodhisattva, and the Holy Spirit at a very young age. Most of my friends and colleagues follow other religions or do not believe in God. I have been guided on the right religious path from the beginning and in the good hands of Sanling. Practicing and praying have helped me gain confidence and wisdom to understand the religious and spiritual priorities in this lifetime. Although I do not know what is ahead, I know that committing to our religion and its practice is the best security and peace of mind anyone and I can have.